In 2day’s Daily Squirrel, Chancellor of the Exchequer Philip Hammond has vowed to introduce a “national living wage” of just £90 an hour by 2020.
The Chancellor said: “We have been doing lots of thinking and research and it’s obvious to me, Theresa May and all of our mates, that people just simply can’t live on the current minimum wage. How on earth are they expected to buy champagne, caviar, fine wines and enjoy active social lives with at least a summer and Easter vacation, without being paid a decent wage in order to fund this lifestyle? Plus think of the income tax revenue the government will receive – I can’t believe we haven’t thought of this before”.
Dorothy Perkins, a shop worker in St Albans was overjoyed at the announcement “I couldn’t believe it she said, £90 an hour minimum wage, that’s fantastic news – now I can afford to party and live the lifestyle of a millionaire. I used to work 70 hours a week just to get by, but all I need to do now is work 20 hours and I’m loaded”.
Many sceptics of the uplifted minimum wage have commented that this will just lead to a boom and bust economy, with risks of high unemployment and inflation levels not seen since 1970’s, but Prime Minister Mrs May was eager to placate all doubters. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” she said to the somewhat confused Downing Street press, “We know what we are doing. Now if you will excuse me, I have to open an job centre in Soho, and then I’m off for tea at the Ritz”.
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