In today’s daily Squirrel poo, Euro 2016 football fans throughout the France are asking the question – “where are Scotland and their skirt wearing fans?.”
Whilst English, Northern Irish, Republic of Ireland and Welsh fans are jubilant in the streets of France, wearing their teams kits, adorned by national flags and with their faces painted, their Scottish counterparts aren’t to be seen anywhere, not in high spirits, apparently drinking them instead.
The Haggis ‘munching’ fans often known simply by their christian name, “Jimmy” were set to cross the channel this week before the tournament kicked off, but with Scotland failing to qualify, (because they were pretty awful), the tartan army have been left with no choice than to stay at home and watch the tournament from their armchairs, equipped with the TV remote control, cans of extra strong Tennents lager and a never ending supply of fried foods, including a Scottish delicacy, the deep fried Mars bar.
“We were robbed” said Bob McTavish, Haggis eater, sheep worrier and chairman of the Scottish FA. “We should be there showing the other nations how the beautiful Scottish long ball game is played. If only ‘wee’ Gordon Strachan and his team of numpties had done better. It’s not as if we had a difficult group, after all we had Germany, Republic of Ireland, Poland, Scotland, Georgia, and Gibraltar.
I blame the bloody Irish. It’s not fair they qualified and we didn’t. And the Welsh. How the F&%$ did they qualify?!.”
“My message to all Scottish supporters”, said McTavish “is enjoy Euro 2016, and make sure you support everyone that plays against England. Also, Velcro gloves are back in stock and available at Wilkies for £5, hurry whilst stocks last.”
Roy Hodgson, England manager is alleged to have had the following to say when he heard Mr McTavish’s comments. “Its bloody typical of those bunch of skirt wearers to support anyone playing against England. We won’t forget this. They can keep their support, their bad weather and ginger hair” he said, before dodging a glare from Ex footballer and ‘Ginge’ Paul Scholes who is in France as a commentator, whilst trying desperately not to make eye contact with Wayne Rooney and his latest hair transplant..
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